As a school psychologist who works with adolescents, I appreciated your Jan. 29 cover story about alleged kidnapper Michael Devlin (“Living With Evil”). While reading about the nightmare of this kidnapping, nothing gave me pause more than the report by an upstairs neighbor who heard “weird sounds, like whimpering, screaming and pleading” that seemed like Shawn Hornbeck was trying to get his kidnapper to “stop doing something.” There is a strong taboo in our society about being a “rat.” We’re told to mind our own business. It is time to be reminded that where children are concerned, the rules are different. A 24-hour, toll-free anonymous child-abuse hot line exists for the protection of children. Reporting abuse need only be based on suspicion, and no proof is required. Those of us who work in schools are “mandated reporters.” But all of us need to share this responsibility and trust that if something doesn’t sound right, it probably isn’t.
Ondine G. Gross, M.S.
Champaign, Ill.
I am married, have a wonderful son and own a successful business. I, too, was kidnapped by a sexual predator at a park when I was 10 years old. I was blindfolded and taken to an apartment somewhere in downtown Los Angeles. My kidnapper told me of another boy he kidnapped and “adopted,” and that he’d had a “wonderful” and “sexual” relationship with him. He made it clear this was his plan for me. He showed me pictures and presented how he was kindhearted and “loved” the boy as his own. I remember asking myself how this boy could have smiled in the pictures. But in my desperation for everything to be over, I remember starting to accept my kidnapper’s lies and what might become my lot in life. I cried and prayed through the night–every moment that he was not molesting me. The next morning, as the man went into a deep sleep, I recall the terror of putting on his robe and slowly lifting the door latch. I knew I needed to run … and run I did. I got away. Mine was a terror of 24 hours, while Shawn Hornbeck’s was four years. It is important that people recognize Shawn as a victim and not judge or ask why he didn’t escape. In fact, Shawn would never have been allowed to ride his bike or play with friends until the evil work of his perpetrator was effective and significant enough to convince his captor of safety. My hope is that Shawn and his family are not “abused” again by a society that cannot understand their tragedy.
Steven Coolbaugh
Cotati, Calif.
I cannot help but notice that in your sidebar “The Abductions That Changed America,” all the victims are white. Children of all races are kidnapped each year. Why don’t children with darker skin get the same media coverage and national attention? Is it because their families don’t have the resources to organize foundations or retain high-powered attorneys? Or is it because as a nation we value their little lives less than their white counterparts’? Families and communities who lose children feel the same pain and grief regardless of racial or economic status.
Lisa Bohlander
Cleveland, Ohio
Thank you for Jennifer Elison’s piece on the typically unacknowledged and often unacceptable feelings of relief after someone’s death (“The Stage of Grief No One Admits To: Relief,” My Turn, Jan. 29). I was 25 when my mother committed suicide after 20 years of severely agitated and angry depression that still has a profound impact on my family 30 years later. At the time of her death, people were shocked and confused when I responded to condolences by saying my mother had really died when I was 8 and that “whoever or whatever had inhabited that body since then has to be happier now, and so are we.” I truly understand the experiences of being dragged through hell, powerless to help my mother or myself, and being misunderstood and rejected when I was unable to mourn her passing.
Barbara J. Leech
West Chester, Pa.
Jennifer Elison cites several instances when it may be appropriate to feel relief at someone’s death–mental illness, a child with an incurable disease, chronic illness like Alzheimer’s. But she cites these as parallel to, or supportive of, her own “overwhelming relief” at the death of her husband. I’m sorry, but “rigid and unreasonable expectations” and an unhappy marriage cannot justify a spouse’s sigh of relief on the day the offending party is crushed in a compact car “hit by a semi truck on a dark stretch of highway.”
Mika Singh
Chantilly, Va.
Jennifer Elison’s description of the relief she felt after her husband’s death is poignant and understandable given the abuse she endured. She is also correct about our culture’s rigid expectations of how the bereaved should behave and feel. In my experience as a young widow, a common expectation is that we should be “over” our grief in about a year. Here’s another kind of relief many widows and widowers feel: relief that our spouses won’t have to experience the pain of widowhood.
Corinne Stevenson
Silver Spring, Md.
In his Jan. 29 column, “Golly, What Did Jon Do ?” my favorite columnist, George Will, finds it repugnant that obstetricians and gynecologists have guidelines that recommend testing all pregnant women for Down syndrome. He states that this will predictably lead to abortion–in fact, it does so 85 percent of the time–and that nothing in the professional qualifications of these doctors gives them the standing to make disclosures likely to lead to abortion. It is their obligation to inform all pregnant women of every fact relating to their pregnancies. Irrespective of one’s posture on the morality of abortion, it is legal within limits and is the woman’s choice. To withhold this critical information either from failure to test or disclose the result smacks of gross dishonesty, ethics blindness and dereliction of duty.
Arch Wright
Boyne City, Mich.
Early screening may lead some parents to abort, but it probably leads just as many to research their child’s disability and prepare themselves, their medical team and their home environment to lovingly raise a child with special needs. Special is exactly the right word–special rewards, but also special challenges that are better met with education, preparation and acceptance. What is gained by forcing ill-prepared parents to badly raise a child who needs even more love and support than a typical child? How can one rationally oppose “Forewarned is forearmed”?
Leah Guggenheimer
New Rochelle, N.Y.
George Will eloquently expresses what I have thought for years–that the hidden reason for prenatal screening of Down syndrome is the desire to eliminate this condition completely. In 1995, I was a 25-year-old, first-time parent, and it was devastating to learn that my newborn son had Down syndrome. I would have been better prepared for this challenge had I known while pregnant, and I would have fallen in the 15 percent of parents who choose not to abort. That being said, given the high percentage of abortions, the push to screen all pregnancies reeks of a desire–on the part of parents or the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists–to have only perfect babies. To be a parent you must have love, patience and tolerance, and above all, you must accept that there is no perfect child, just as there is no perfect parent.
Jill Desmond Robb
Antioch, Calif.
Clearly, George Will and his wife made the right “choice” in not aborting their Down syndrome child, Jon. However, Will can provide for his son financially and is not your ordinary American. Thousands of women facing the birth of a Down syndrome child–many of whom would have significantly greater disability than Jon–are emotionally, economically and otherwise incapable of even remotely providing the support Will has been able to give to his son. While I applaud George Will’s “choice,” the story of Jon and, conversely, those parents less capable and less fortunate than Will prove that “choice” is imperative.
David Miller
Houston, Texas
Regardless of what one thinks of the new ACOG guidelines regarding prenatal screening, George Will illustrates that people with Down syndrome can live happy, productive and fulfilling lives. When my wife and I were told prenatally of our son’s diagnosis, we were horrified by the doctor’s laundry list of possible problems. Thankfully, there are organizations such as the National Down Syndrome Society and the National Down Syndrome Congress for balanced information. We learned that many individuals with Down syndrome successfully attend school, obtain meaningful employment and live independent, fulfilling lives. Like his big sister Dana, Robert is a tremendous source of pride and joy for our family. It would have been nice for our doctor to include that in his list of possibilities.
Marc Steinberg
Monroe Township, N.J.
Jane Bryant Quinn’s column “Escape From the Money Pit” (Jan. 29) said mortgage-insurance premiums would be deductible on homes bought in 2007, for couples with adjusted gross incomes up to $100,000 and singles up to $50,000. In fact, it goes to both marrieds and singles with incomes up to $100,000. It phases out when incomes pass $109,000.
We misspelled the name of the author of “Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family” (TIP SHEET, Jan. 29). She is Ellyn Satter.
In “May I See Some I.D.?” (TIP SHEET, Jan. 29) we erroneously referred to Nassau as a Caribbean country. It is, in fact, a city. NEWSWEEK regrets the errors.
