The study, published today in The Journal of the Institute for the Study of Icky Celebrities, compared Madonna’s ickiness with that of other celebrities known for being icky, such as Carmen Electra, Charlie Sheen, and Joe Piscopo. Madonna’s ickiness rating was “off the charts,” said one source close to the Institute.
“We thought nothing could be ickier than that video she did ten years ago for ‘Justify My Love,’ when she was at the height of her kinky sex-slave phase,” said Dr. Ernest Kavell of the Institute. “But the fact that she’s an old mother now makes her new video even ickier, when you stop and think about it.”
In addition, Dr. Kavell said, the embarrassing failure of Madonna’s myriad flop movies has not had the sobering effect on the singer that experts had been hoping for. “I was sure that that really sucky one she did with Rupert Everett would be a wake-up call, but no such luck,” he said.
Dr. Kavell dismissed critics of the study who claim that age and wisdom will eventually cause Madonna to adopt less icky images in the future. “People said the same thing about Cher,” he warned.
Among those who showed up on the new Lincoln Bedroom overnight list was Samuel Heyman, the president of GAF Corp., a Wayne, New Jersey roofing firm that is facing huge potential liabilities from hundreds of pending asbestos lawsuits. During the past year, Heyman has been engaged in an intensive lobbying campaign on Capitol Hill on behalf of legislation that would authorize a federally managed fund to handle the asbestos claims-a measure that could save his company millions of dollars.
